Welcome to the Zotz pages.

Home of the Monkfish Marketing Board, the Marchmont Melonfarm and other goodies too tedious to mention.


There will be no mention of the man known to his friends as Graham Clark, his musical interests or work activities, or his dislike of his current town of residence. There will furthermore be no mention of anything of any conceivable interest to anybody who doesn't know him personally, so complaints of boredom or bemusement will not be entertained. Aren't people who write about themselves in the third person scary?

Disclaimer:I am required by Demon Internet to keep this page free from material likely to offend, and to display a warning suitable to alert people before they come across such material. This is that warning. There's nothing answering to that description as I write, but by the time you read this, there may very well be. So beware : proceeding beyond this point may lead to exposure to smut, profanity, blasphemy, very poor attempts at humour, and unnecessarily prolonged carping about aristocrats, rightwingers and workmates. If you might find this irritating or disturbing (or if you are legally barred from accessing pages critical of aristocrats) then you might wish to go elsewhere. These pages should not be visited from jurisdictions where such materials are illegal, by persons regarded by local laws or puritanical parents or guardians as too young for such things, or with the intent of researching (including writing or otherwise creating), or aiding (including abetting, assisting or otherwise aiding in the creation of) salacious (including prurient, exploitative or otherwise deeply shite) magazine articles on internet pornography.
Or (just to keep in line with everybody else's disclaimers) by agents of the American post office. What a strange world we live in. No wonder they're disgruntled.
Don't get your hopes up, by the way : the disclaimer's the rudest thing on site.



If the above warning doesn't apply to you, or if you're an evil wee monkey and are going to have a peek anyway, then feel free to ENTER.